boundaries create freedom

As a new parent, I was taught that children need boundaries in order to promote independence and safe limits. Somehow between teaching my kids this important life skill I lost my own boundaries for my life.

I allowed others to determine what I should be doing, how I should parent, what I should say, how I should feel and what should be expected of me. In that, I lost my voice and my understanding of what I needed in order to be healthy-emotionally and physically.

Boundaries are a critical piece of how I work with my clients on stress management. So often what we find is that you're allowing a lot of yes to impact the amount of no; and that my sweet friend, is affecting your health.

Boundaries seem to be the missing piece for a lot of women, including my clients. As we continue to say yes to all the things, we say no to something so important, our health.

I’ve shared how I fell into Adrenal Fatigue because of my inability to say no. My clients are struggling with Adrenal Fatigue and other symptoms of stress because they can’t say no.

Say no to the yes

I want you to think about something: when you're constantly saying yes to everything that comes your way, you diminish your impact. As a high achiever you feel that nobody else can do that job the way that you can, you don't feel comfortable with handing it off to somebody else, and you definitely don't feel comfortable with saying no because you tend to worry that people will think you're not capable If you say no to something. However, you aren’t doing your best work because you are so limited and stretched.

Thought for the day: Your yes becomes less.

When you say yes to everything, there is an underlying tone of resentfulness that tends to be underlying in what you do. You know that you shouldn't have said yes but you continue to say yes and you really don't want to do any of it.

You find yourself moving into that project, or that obligation, or that activity, or that event without joy. You're doing this simply because you feel like you had to do it, which then makes you less impactful.

You feel less impactful because you're taking on so much more than you really want to be taking on and you’re missing the passion behind everything you take on. You're taking on so much more than what you are physically capable of taking on…and it’s taking a toll on your health.

When we say yes to something it means that we're saying no to something else. If we're saying yes to another meeting then we're saying no to quiet time. If we're saying yes to another project then we're saying no to family time.

By saying yes you're taking time away from the 24 hours that you're given in a day. So, then the margin of time that you have to yourself, to focus on yourself and your health, is diminished more and more as you say yes to something else.

I have allowed “yeses” to pop up

I know this personally because I have allowed yeses to pop up. I have allowed myself to be reactive and frequently say yes which causes me to say no: I don't have time to go to the gym, I don't have time to meal prep, I don't have time to just sit and be, I don't have time to take a deep breath.

It’s time to be picky: what is it that we're choosing to say yes to? Get very selective on what you allow on your schedule.

Maintain your personal “self-belief” boundaries

the other piece in the boundaries is the boundary on what we're saying to ourselves.

What is the audio in our own head? Something that I like to talk to my clients about when they tell me the things that they're thinking in their head about how they should be more do more; and it's echoing what society is telling us that as women we have to do.

I ask them, would you speak this way to your daughter or your friend? And have you heard them saying these things to themselves or about themselves. What would you tell them? Because what we have going on in our head, the tape that's playing continuously where we're saying we don't feel like we're good enough, we're not doing enough, we should be better or we should have figured this out by now.

Recovering from chronic stress.

Your mind and body are connected, studies and research have verified how you think impacts your health. I have clients coming to me with symptoms of stress and they're chronically fatigued, they're just completely worn out and more importantly they're without joy in their life because they are so wrapped up in thinking they must do all the things for all the people. So, we have to start where the mindset is.

Because stress starts in the mind. You can change the impact you have on your health by placing firm boundaries. When you think about boundaries and the things that you start to say no to, also think about what you're saying yes to in terms of your overall sense of health and joy and peace!

When we put those boundaries in place it's completely healthy and it's necessary in order for you to recover from chronic stress. Start today by thinking of things that you can actually cross off your list, the things that you can say no to in order to open you up to a yes to your health, a yes to your family, a yes to your joy.

I hope that you find your “yes” by saying no.

Here’s to Whole Health. Whole Love. Whole Success. 💜